We don’t remember what it was like to walk for the first time
our weak legs carrying our chubby body
across the living room floor.
We don’t remember seeing the quiet smiles
of our family as they tried not to spook us
while we did what we had never done.
why couldn’t we keep that energy for the future,
when we would know what it was worth?
why couldn’t we all keep to ourselves
when our friend learnt to walk without a drink in their hand,
when our friend learnt to walk without looking backwards?
starting over is so difficult
because we shoulder the weight of our mistakes
our hopes,
then we decide to punish ourselves by
holding the expectation of others
around our necks,
and then we are surprised when something cracks.
It seems that at some unfortunate point
the joy of starting
gets clouded by the shame of rolling to a stop.
Yet, inexplicably,
you will continue to traverse this unkind land
in this unforgiving climate,
leaving behind your unmade bed
and start all over again.
A Relevant Recommendation: A Song
Starting Over by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis